Do you lie to women?

Like it or not, guys, this is a common complaint that women have against men. Is it justified?

If you think about the very first interaction that most men and women have, the first date, legend has it that the man often says he’ll call and then probably doesn’t do so. Is that a lie?

Yes, and if that’s typical of how men treat women, that is to say without integrity, then no wonder we’re the object of this particular complaint.

But what does saying that you’ll call at the end of the first date, and then not actually doing so, really mean? The answer seems to be that it’s just too hard for a man to look a woman in the eyes and say something like “I’m sorry, I don’t want to see you again”. And why is that so hard?

Well, it’s back to the same old concept: no one (i.e. our fathers, elder men) taught us how to deal with women.

Nor do we have the verbal adeptness that would help us deal with this kind of situation. Yet there are simple alternatives to lying! For example, you can say: “It was nice seeing you.” That’s a gentle way of letting somebody down.

Many men would explain lying in another way. They claim, and with some justification, I think, that the way women react to what they say induces them to lie. We know it may not be particularly honest, but it’s just so much easier to lie than listening to the emotional tirade of anger, or criticism, or whatever that comes out in response to what we say.

The problem here of course is that lying in this way leads to further difficulties in the future, and it isn’t showing much integrity in the present.

Ask yourself: is that the kind of man you want to be? If the answer is “no”, then seek another pathway, because lying destroys trust in a relationship, and if it happens more than once, it can destroy trust irretrievably.

Try the following strategy. Tell her openly and honestly that you have felt the need to lie because her reaction is hard for you to cope with, and that in future you commit to telling her the truth, and if she reacts hysterically or outrageously or completely over the top or just unfairly, you’ll walk out of the room and that will be the end of the discussion.

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